How NOT to detect lying?
Many guides claim that liars can be detected based on physical signs such as tone, facial expressions, body language, delayed response, and much more. Such methods are not reliable enough. But don't take my word for it. Just do a few Google searches and read some of the comments and you'll discover the controversy surrounding the subject. Also consider this: If people can cheat a polygraph (lie detector) test then why couldn't they cheat our senses?
Promoters of appearance based lie detection methods may also claim that the exceptions (the liars who can go undetected) are few and negligible or just ignore the subject entirely. Not surprisingly. After all, who would read these if the truth was told – that you can't reliably detect liars by appearances and first impressions. Artful liars can fool even the experts of such methods.
What makes these methods unreliable?
Lying is simply a matter of presenting false information while acting naturally or acting in alignment with the lie. The more one does that (lie) the better one gets at it. The better someone is at lying (faking) the less likely we'll be able to detect them by looking for physical tell tale signs. In reality we can only catch the occasional and relatively inexperienced liar. Compulsive (lifelong) liars are the ones who slip through such methods of detection at ease and they are the real concern as they plan on exploiting others.
Liar detection that works
Spot liars by their actions. This requires that we learn to pay more attention to the actions of people instead of their words. It may take a bit longer than going by first impressions but trust me, it's worth the effort. When the time comes to chose a business or life partner, you'll thank yourself for every effort you made to be better at detecting lies, false information and liars. Not to mention when the time comes to pass that knowledge to your children. Surely you don't want to send them out into the “jungle” unprepared.
That's it? Spot liars by their actions?
Of course, it is easier said than done which is why I wrote a book on the subject to support this method with detailed guides, practices, and even theories about the mind. It's not like you can't already tell lies. You can! As a matter of fact you already possess the tools to become a lie detection expert. All you need is more practice, a bit of theory, information, and most importantly the inspiration to trust your split second judgments. These (split second judgments) are commonly misunderstood and ignored but once you read my book you'll know exactly what to make of them and how to harvest their power.
Every human action begins with an intention whether we are aware of it or not. A good example is the intention to survive which is always at work whether we are aware of it or not. Lies also begin with intentions. Spotting intentions is just as useful and important (if not more) as spotting lies and liars. After all, not all lies are equally harmful. White lies for example are the result of good intentions such as trying to spare others from hurt feelings. Of course, when found out, even white lies can cause upsets. Even then, these are harmless compared to the lies of the deceitful who seek to exploit others even at the expense of pretending to be a trustworthy friend, employee, partner or spouse.
Why read Spotting Fakers
Why this particular book when there are so many websites, quick guides, books and videos on the subject? The simple answer is this: the method I promote works. You know the saying, if it sounds too good to be true it probably is. Sure you can cut some corners and read a quick guide on some free looking website, which is most likely loaded with advertisements, omitting the fact that the very reason for the existence of the site in the first place is to display advertisement. Catching liars is a game of intellects. A quick guide is of little use. You might as well flip a coin to decide who is trustworthy and who is not.
The intention of my book is to even the odds. In this game of liars vs honest people (which has been going on as far back as history lets us see) the liars have the advantage for the simple reason that honest people assume others are honest also. This gives the deceitful the upper hand time after time endlessly repeating throughout history.
Do you really need all this information?
Our societies are abundant with lies, deceit and false information. False advertisement, exaggeration, scams, tricky fine prints, predatory loans, corrupt organizations, hoax, biased research, bait and switch business tactics, hidden expenses, so called "free" stuff, dishonest salesman, corrupt officials and politicians, freeloaders, unreliable (fake) friends (or spouses), are just a few examples many of us have to deal with.
Let me show you how you can shut the door to all of these once an for all by spotting lies, illusions and false information in its tracks. Once you spot the false in a lie, it's not a lie any more. It's just someone attempting to fool us. The false can only affect us adversely when it goes unnoticed.
My book not only supports avoiding bad experiences but also lays the foundation to "letting go" of past negative experiences through understanding. I did my best to put all this in plain English as one of my favorite quotes I try to live up to is:
If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.
- Albert Einstein
It's easy to think that the study of human nature is for those interested in anthropology, psychology, social science, etc. Since we all happened to be humans and are living in human societies, it makes sense to know the truth about human nature. Doesn't it?
The truth about lies and human nature
People can and do lie. A non negligible percentage lies habitually in an attempt to move ahead of life. For an honest person it is usually hard to accept that such people even exist. But what if it is true? If a person lied most of their life, inevitably he or she would become really good at it. Just imagine if you did that (lie a lot selfishly), you would become good at it also. Right? Nah. Of course not. Chances are you don't even want to imagine such. That is exactly why they can thrive among us. Because it is harder to look at this reality than having our teeth pulled.
Why we fall for it
Most honest people believe that everyone else is also honest. Such assumptions is correct most of the time but when it isn't we become sitting ducks to the devious. Deceitful but covert liars appear to be friendly, considerate, polite and trustworthy just like the rest of us because they learn to lie and fake emotions very well. If anything, they appear even more trustworthy than honest and really trustworthy individuals as they dramatize being trustworthy, charismatic, charming, dedicated, driven, caring, etc. We can't detect them by observing appearances. They use smiles, tone, as well as body language very cleverly to hide their true self. They also develop the ability to override our suspicions. They use fake emotions (even tears) to gain our sympathy. Even when they hurt or exploit us, they have the perfect protection mechanism - lie even more.
When busted lying, they pretend to be the victim and keep at it until we are sold. They can do this so well, that often we end up questioning our own actions and integrity. We do the justification for them. We may even end up thinking that we deserved it somehow and they are very willing to support us developing such thoughts.
Using their refined acting skills and manufactured stories, they keep working us until we are convinced that whatever bad deed they have committed was an accident and they only meant well. We tend to buy this because it is parallel with our beliefs that everyone is good in general. The more they "dramatize" the good guy act, the more likely we buy it. We constantly underestimate them as it is unreal to us that someone could be lying so easily, frequently and persistently. They actively work to neutralize our suspicions with endless lies.
Most of us are negatively affected by the activity of fakers. If not directly then indirectly through an ailing economy and society as they are the number one cause that undermines our systems and thus cause history to repeat.
Burn me once it's on you, burn me twice it's on me
Many people rightfully live by that.
According to Will Rogers there are three kinds of men:
- The ones that learn by reading.
- The few who learn by observation.
- The rest of them have to touch an electric fence.
Once in a while we need to get burned just a little to respect the potential dangers of reality but the intention of this book is to spare you the trouble of having to touch the "electric fence".
Don't judge a book by its cover
While fakers managed to grab the spotlight, the book isn't just about them. It also reveals the motives of fakers and their mentality down to the fundamental thought process. You will discover what subconscious thoughts are and how to make the most of them. How our minds work from a functional perspective and more.
You may be wondering what that has to do with liars. The reason why we fall for lies and illusions is that we assume good intentions. Our minds fill in the blanks for us automatically which is mostly a good thing. This is the corner stone of creativity and solving problems. Unfortunately, this automatic process isn't without pitfalls. We need assumptions but they can also bring us down. In order to reveal how and why we assume it was necessary to write a bit about the workings of the mind. Since we all have one of these (a mind) it seems like a good idea to know a bit about it anyhow.
Understanding the assumption process and its traps will allow you to have more accurate control not just over lies, liars, illusion, manipulation and fakers but also persistent problems.
Click 'Next' below to read a complete sample chapter.