You found this site, now what?
According to experts, I need to hook your attention with the first 150 or so words, otherwise you are likely to loose interest.
I'll start by one of my all time favorite quotes.
There are three kinds of men:
- The ones that learn by reading.
- The few who learn by observation.
- The rest of them have to touch an electric fence.
- Will Rogers
I think most of us do our share of "touching the electrical fence". I know I have. Perhaps not in all subjects or arenas, but it seem that once in a while we need to get burned just a little to respect the potential dangers of reality. But what if the "fence" is invisible to us? Wouldn't we get burned time after time? I found out the hard way, there is no shortage of "invisible electric fences" in life.
Many people rightfully live by burn me once shame on you, burn me twice shame on me
. Problem is that we don't always realize when people are out to get us. It is natural that our view of others is based on our self. When we see unethical, rude or deceitful behavior we tend to think that the person meant well and make excuses for them. We filter out the negative and assume that it was the result of temporary character flaw. But what if it isn't? What if some people only pretend to be trustworthy?
All of humanity could be split into the two following groups:
Group 1: Those who mean well for others and thus have nothing to hide.
Group 2: Those who only care about themselves and have no regards for the well being of others.
Due to laws and public perception the majority of Group 2 will pretend to care about others to avoid rejection. At first look it seem hard to tell them apart from the members of Group 1. Except, members of Group 2 rely on lies and illusions to make others believe they are trustworthy. They copy the behavior patterns of decent and caring people. They have to constantly lie about their true nature. When they slip up and reveal their true nature we tend to dismiss it. In other words we cover it up for them.
I've written this book "Spotting Fakers, lies and illusions using elementary theories about the mind" because I believe I can help people avoid "touching the electric fence".
Who are fakers and why read a whole book about them?
People who chose deceit (lies, illusions and manipulation) over honest exchange are referred to as fakers. While they managed to grab the spotlight, the book isn't just about them. It also reveals the motives of fakers and their mentality down to the fundamental thought process. You will discover what subconscious thoughts are and how to make the most of them. How our minds work from a functional perspective and much more. I could have made the book much shorter if I only addressed how to spot fakers. You could just buy the book for the first eleven or so chapters alone which describe the most common signs of habitual and deceitful liars (fakers). That alone will be already worth your money and that's a promise. Unless of course you are already an expert in this subject but even then you may find some points of interest. On the other hand, if you are more interested in how the mind works you can skip these first chapters and dive right into the chapter "How we Learn" on page 107.
You may be wondering what that has to do with liars. The reason why we fall for lies and illusions is that we assume good intentions. Our minds fill in the blanks for us automatically which is mostly a good thing. This is the corner stone of creativity and solving problems. Unfortunately, this automatic process isn't without faults. We need assumptions but they can also bring us down sometimes. In order to reveal how and why we assume it was necessary to write a bit about the workings of the mind. Since we all have one of these (a mind) it seems like a good idea to know a bit about it anyhow. I did my best to put all this in plain English also as one of my other all time favorite quote is:
If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.
- Albert Einstein
Understanding the assumption process and its pitfalls will allow you to have more accurate control not just over lies, illusion, manipulation and fakers but also persistent problems.
Can you afford not to know about fakers, lies, illusions and manipulation?
Not likely. Even if only indirectly, we are all affected by the selfish or hostile deeds of fakers. Their presence is undeniable (about 1-10% of the population depending on region). The less we know about them the more likely they can exploit us. Everything we do begins with an intention and lies are no exception. Spotting the intention is key to spotting lies, liars and hence fakers.
Why not trust everyone unconditionally?
If unconditional trust were a possibility, we wouldn't need locks, pin codes, passwords, laws, law enforcement, lawyers etc. We could just leave our doors unlocked with our valuables and passwords in the open. While it would be great to live in such society in reality we would be likely to get into trouble with such habits. One day our societies may be like that but for the time being it is a very important survival skill to be able to accurately judge whom we can and cannot trust.
What if we all decided to trust unconditionally?
Some believe that unconditional love, trust, and forgiveness are the keys to reaching an ideal or at least fair society. Problem is that while most people are honest and caring, a certain percentage chooses deceit and dishonesty. They also pretend to be honest with the hidden and deliberate intention to exploit others. By promoting unconditional trust, love, and forgiveness, not only have we made ideal thriving grounds for their deceitful personalities but also we are helping them become repeat offenders.
Rest assured this book is NOT the promotion of untrusting mentality. Instead, it promotes views and methods for accurate judgments. The need for accurate judgments is not a new idea. It is common practice to interview and research the background of new tenants, job candidates, investment prospects, etc. Our everyday life is full of trust related decisions. In order for us to be betrayed by definition we first need to trust the wrong person. In the court of law it is widely accepted to establish (or knock out) the trustworthiness of witnesses based on their actions, lies, and character. With or without knowing, we try to pick friends, partners, restaurants, retailers, websites, etc. based on trustworthiness. An important concern is that deceitful people are on top of their games already and have been as far as history allows us to see. Consider Plato's words for example from more than 2000 years ago:
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Deceitful people develop elaborate skills, which they deploy as needed to combat our lie detection attempts. They are covert. For this reason, judging trustworthiness based on appearances is not nearly adequate. A more accurate approach is required. It is more revealing to observe and note the actions of people and pay less attention to the appearances. Instead of focusing on emotions, facial expressions, body language, and overall appearance it is more effective to target the intentions behind the "mask". Understanding and using the signs will be very simple. People who have hidden hostile intentions will show most of the signs frequently enough to be detected. People who have compassionate intentions towards others will show no signs at all or very few and infrequently.
Essentially, we all have the means to detect lies and false or incorrect information. If we didn't we couldn't learn to walk or talk. It is important to realize that the reason why we need to give our lie detector a turbo boost is that dishonest people actively combat our lie detection attempts. They know how to steer our attention away from our split second judgments, which say, "There is something fishy going on" or "I know I shouldn't trust this person". Detecting lies is a battle of intellects. It is nothing too serious, complex or time consuming. It's not as challenging as playing chess against a master. As you will see, the signs are a product of the hidden hostile (or selfish) intentions and thus are always there. Detecting them is also simple once we know how. It isn't an extra burden we have to think about. Our minds adapt to these additional clues of detection easily. Since we all have a "built-in" lie detector already, all we need is an updated knowledge base for our already existing lie detector and the rest will go effortlessly. The tricky part (as you'll see) is not the detection. Instead accepting and trusting our own judgments. The theories and practices presented will help with that also.
Most of the time we detect the lie(s) but we don't trust our judgment. The theories and practices in this book will not only demonstrate that these split second judgments are highly trustable but will also describe how and why we can (and should) restore our trust in them. As you will see (that is if you read the book), split second judgments can be just as accurate as the result of five minutes of pondering with internal monologue. Contrary to common belief these split second thoughts aren't just some impulsive or random feelings or hunches. It will be shown that these are not only important but the internal-monologue-free thoughts are actually the foundation of our thought process and are at work every waking hour with our without us being aware of them.
To find out more click 'Next' below to read a complete sample chapter.